How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
