One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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