i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
