she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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