My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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