Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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