I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
