two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
