Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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