Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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