Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
