Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize