good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
