neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
