Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
