By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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