too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
