she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
