I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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