based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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