people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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