I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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