were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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