Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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