i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
