my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My cat gives me a boner
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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