There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize