why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
