I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Im part way to drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He shit in the fireplace
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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