I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
