I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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