Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
