if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
