Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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