Got a toothbrush?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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