Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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