I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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