What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
