Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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