I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
