omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
