I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
