My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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