i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
