I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
