peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
