You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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