A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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