he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's like iHOP with fire
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
