Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
