I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
