i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
