he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
