You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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