life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize