She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
