Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
