I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
