i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
