I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
