I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
