Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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