Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
