she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
