dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
